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The complete evacuation of faeces from our bodies and our world is a chimera. Girl films herself on toilet views.

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Like Bryan Cranston, we all want the ecstasy of elimination, the self-love we feel after a really good shit. But this sudden enthusiasm for disclosing private habits masks a deeper truth:

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But we also like to run things in the opposite direction: Straining to force your crap around the puborectalis can induce haemorrhoids, intestinal inflammation, fainting — even strokes, brain haemorrhaging and heart attack.

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The pelvic floor muscles relax, the perineum descends, and the external anal sphincter opens up, delivering your creation into the world. Head down and teeth gritted, I glide as quickly as possible to my place of refuge. My Service Dog, Bright, senses my increasing anxiety and starts doing the potty dance, herself.